Posted by: earthsangel | December 18, 2008

ang jocjoc

Anak: Mommy, ang ganda ng bracelet mo. Bigay ba ni
Daddy ‘yan?
Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa,
baka pati ikaw wala sa mundong ito.

Matrona: Sa palagay mo Love, ilan taon na ako?
Lover: Kung titignan sa buhok 18. Kung nakatalikod 21.
Kung titignan sa kutis 25. Bali 64 ang total.

Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? (“May bahay”)
Ano naman ang kabit? (“May condo”)

Doc: “Ano ang trabaho mo, iha?”
Girl: “Substitute po.”
Doc: “Di kaya prostitute ?”
Girl: “Doc, kaibigan ko ang prostitute. Kung hindi
siya puwede, ako ang pumapalit!”

In an obstetricians clinic:
Doc: “Hubad na, iha. Huwag kang mag-alala… . I won’t
take advantage of you!”
Girl: “Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty at bra ko?”
Doc: “Diyan lang sa may tabi ng brief ko.”

Sa seminario:
Madre: “Father, pagsabihan mo naman yung mga
seminarista. Umiihi sila sa pader!”
Father: “Sister naman. Maliit na bagay, huwag mo nang
pansinin!”
Madre: “Naku, Father, malalaki po!”

APO : Lolo, nagse-sex pa ba kayo ni Lola?
LOLO: Oo, pero “Oral” na lang. Pag-higa ko sa tabi
niya, sinasabi ko “F_ _k you” at sumasagot siya ng,
“F_ _k you too.”

If VIAGRA is used to excite men, what is used to
excite women?
ANSWER: VIAGMO….

Cardinal Sin’s wish when he dies is to have Erap and
Jinggoy on his side.
Erap: We’re honored but why us?
Sin: I want to die like Christ, with thieves on both
sides.

BARTENDER: Sir, napansin ko bawat inom ninyo
tumitingin kayo sa bulsa ninyo.
MAN: Ahh, ito? picture ng Misis ko ito…. pag maganda
na siya sa tingin ko, uuwi na ako.

GUY : Doc, hina ng tenga ko. Di ko marinig kahit utot
ko.
DR. : Heto inumin mo ng isang linggo.
GUY : Lalakas na ang pandinig ko?
DR. : Hindi lalakas na ang utot mo!

Jinggoy: Dad, pang ilang Tirso Cruz na si Tirso Cruz
III?
Erap :(natawa) trick question ba yan anak? Eh, di
pang-lima, kaya na PIP ang tawag sa kanya, di ba?

Sgt: Boss, nakatakas si Al-Ghozi.
Ebdane: Huh! Did you seal all exits?
Sgt: Yes, sir!
Ebdane: Eh paano siya nakatakas?

Sgt: Doon po kasi siya lumabas sa entrance.
A COW story:
America has COWboy and COWgirl.
England has madCOW.
China has MaCOW.
Russia has MosCOW .
Philippines has politicians magnanaCOW.

Doc: Congrats! Tell your husband you’re pregnant.
Lady: I’m single.
Doc: Tell your lover.
Lady: There’s no lover.
Doc OK, then. Tell your parents to prepare for the
second coming of Christ!

A lady visits her doctor again.
Doc: You looked more sick & exhausted than before. Are
you having three meals a day as I advised?
Lady: What? I thought you said three MALES a day!

Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?
Erap: Tanga, sa harap ang effect niyan hindi sa side.
Erap: “Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone!”
Doc: “Is it choking?”
Erap: “No, it is Max’s.”
Doc: “I don’t mean ‘Chow King’, I mean, are you
choking….”
Erap: “No, Doc! Serioso ako, Doc!”

Sex is like mathematics:
Add the bed, minus the lights, subtract the clothes,
bring down the panty, divide the legs, be ready to
multiply….

At their honeymoon:
60-yr old Pastor to his young bride: “Honey, before we
do it, let’s first pray for guidance.” Young bride:
“Darling, just pray for endurance, I’ll take care of
the guidance!”

OLD MAID’S PRAYER
Dear Lord. hindi ako hihiling para sa sarili ko, kundi
para po sa aking mga
magulang. Please lang po bigyan na ninyo sila ng
manugang! Amen

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